making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
