If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
