I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
