discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think a kid would responsible me up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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