Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
