i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
