He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
