oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
