just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
