So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
