maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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