you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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