You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
