I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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