Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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