I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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