remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
