Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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