Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
