She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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