why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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