420 ftw
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fuck appropriateness.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
