Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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