I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Randomize
