I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
