Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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