Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize