i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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