exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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