last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
