Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
