wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I touched a dick in church today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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