Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think my tv is drunk
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
