her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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