i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
