I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
