i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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