Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
