just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
