margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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