1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
