You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
