I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
