Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
