Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
