can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
