the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize