this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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