hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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