I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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