im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am available for nakedness
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