Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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