Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
