I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
