Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my poor anus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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