Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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