So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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