If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
