His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
