if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
