I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
