Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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