I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
