Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
this hospital has no fireball
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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