If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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