Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize