You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
