I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
