how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
