I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
